re-framing//reef framing

it's the difference between what is unconsciously conjured, what you tell yourself, and what you perform.
i can tell myself all of the things that i wished that i believed but the truth bubbles out.
i am supposed to doing my homework. i am always supposed to be doing my homework.
i am always doing my homework.
all of those statements are true because i spend such a large amount of my time thinking about my homework and trying to do my homework that i am completely devoted. there is nothing else.
yet there is no product.
in my head, i can see what i could do and what i should do and what i would do.
but there is nothing done.

greg sweats. in every class, he is glistening. his hair always looks wet. while he lectures, i stare at the area on his crown where the light reflects back. i'm not sure when i became so obsessed with him being covered in his own salty dew. that's not true.
it was an "i saw u" in the stranger. from a student to a professor at seattle central. it said, "greg, can't get your sweaty balls out of my mind. do you ride your bike to work everyday? i wish i could smell them."
sometimes, in class, i visualize those three lines and try to make sense of whether it was facetious or genuine. either is plausible. but there are so many questions.
what student?
how many people named greg teach at sccc?
does greg ride his bike?
had she seen his balls or did she just imagine what they might look/smell like post-bicycle-commute?
does the fact that i think about this a lot mean that i, also, cannot get greg's patterns of perspiration out of my mind?

i don't know. i can't learn. there is no learning. things are absorbed but they fall and drown in an abyss. i am over-stimulated to the point of everythingness. is that right? black is the presence of all color? therefore the black/bleakness of my own visualization of my mind is due to total saturation.
in other news-

let's talk about yoooooooooouuuu and meeeeeeeeee.