propaganda of anti-materialism

indigo && yellow chakra top ten:

1.beam, beam, beam, beam

2. "taking advil for a pinched nerve"
3. smiling to feel how it feels to smile
4. rememberbeherenow
5. send out light, get back light
6. is it okay to not be okay?
7. hi
8. elbows bent/torso reclined at the waist
9. spirit orbs of charcoal
10. idle hands make idle hands make idle hands



you shouldn't be real, culture consumed.

the next step after a great leap

is-it-extreeeme top ten:

1. venn diagram, braided paths
2. "this desk is perfect"
3. too eaxt coaxt to get along
4. abrasive means interesting means inorganic means creative
5. the hole that your wallet made in your backpocket
6. frozen fingers/bound brain
7. "your drums make me feel like i'm on mushrooms"
8. pink eye
9. why can't i leave can't i leave can't i leave?
10. masochistic questions (are you with her everyday? does her family love you? would you leave me for her? do you miss me at all?)



i can feel the hairs growing out of my skin.

containment of self-contamination

sifting through thee top ten:

1. snowshoes, mountains, douglas fir
2. a lover's discourse, over and over
3. pink reason on repeat, lying on the floor/staring at the ceiling
4. nauseous all day
5. can i make you a tape, can i write you a letter, can i move into your bed
6. quilts
7. uncontrollable imagination, uncontrollable negative energy
8. blurry, crusty, bleary third eye
9.radical sabbatical
10. bedroom as physical manifestation of metaphysical emotional status


forgettoremembertoremembertoforget

re-framing//reef framing

it's the difference between what is unconsciously conjured, what you tell yourself, and what you perform.
i can tell myself all of the things that i wished that i believed but the truth bubbles out.
i am supposed to doing my homework. i am always supposed to be doing my homework.
i am always doing my homework.
all of those statements are true because i spend such a large amount of my time thinking about my homework and trying to do my homework that i am completely devoted. there is nothing else.
yet there is no product.
in my head, i can see what i could do and what i should do and what i would do.
but there is nothing done.

greg sweats. in every class, he is glistening. his hair always looks wet. while he lectures, i stare at the area on his crown where the light reflects back. i'm not sure when i became so obsessed with him being covered in his own salty dew. that's not true.
it was an "i saw u" in the stranger. from a student to a professor at seattle central. it said, "greg, can't get your sweaty balls out of my mind. do you ride your bike to work everyday? i wish i could smell them."
sometimes, in class, i visualize those three lines and try to make sense of whether it was facetious or genuine. either is plausible. but there are so many questions.
what student?
how many people named greg teach at sccc?
does greg ride his bike?
had she seen his balls or did she just imagine what they might look/smell like post-bicycle-commute?
does the fact that i think about this a lot mean that i, also, cannot get greg's patterns of perspiration out of my mind?

i don't know. i can't learn. there is no learning. things are absorbed but they fall and drown in an abyss. i am over-stimulated to the point of everythingness. is that right? black is the presence of all color? therefore the black/bleakness of my own visualization of my mind is due to total saturation.
in other news-

let's talk about yoooooooooouuuu and meeeeeeeeee.